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Track down the real reason
for the back talk
Be rational and try to see
if there is any specific reason for the child to be
behaving as he or she is. At times the cause could be
as simple as a short temper due to hunger or
tiredness. And the confused child is trying to make
his discomfort known. Even if the cause of the
outburst is not physical like hunger or fatigue,
remember there is a reason and any caring parent would
like to track it down and do the needful to put the
child at ease.
Now how does one zero in
on the cause? At times the cause may not be very
apparent. Under such circumstances try this method
recommended by experts in child counseling. Note down
each incident involving backtalk and try and evaluate
it. This will help you look beneath the surface and
find the real underlying cause for the child's
behavior and once that is done you may be able to work
with the child to find a constructive solution.
Control with an iron hand
always backfires
Be realistic and accept
the fact that even though we try it, is almost
impossible to control or impose our wishes on anyone.
The only person whom you can really control is
yourself. So go ahead and do it. Be in absolute
control of yourself and do not give free rein to
negative feelings like anger or worse, violence. Anger
can cloud reason, so steer clear away from it.
Let your guiding thought be - this is my child I am
dealing with. It does not matter if I come out of this
a loser. Your real win is having your child on
the right track.
Be a role model
A common mistake that parents make
is to compare the child's behavior with their
behavior
at the same age. This is wrong. The set of
circumstances and people that the child is dealing
with is entirely different. So why expect him to react
in the same way you did? Think back and you will
realize that you were far more in awe of your parents
than your children will ever be of you. That in itself
makes the ground ready for back talking.
Set ground rules, but for
yourself. Remember children do imitate their parents.
They will try to achieve the standards you set for
yourself.
Back talk is not an insult
but is the child's opinion
Never take an instance of
your child's backtalk as a personal insult. That is
the way the child is voicing his opinion. Listen. It
is possible that you are in the wrong. Analyze the
situation. If it does not really matter then give in
and let the child have his own way. This will be a
major confidence builder. And when he sees you listen
he will also make an attempt to be like you. And the
next time when you talk he will listen.
No personal insults
Never ever belittle them,
no one either young or old likes it. Do not attack
them with your powerful weapon- harsh words in a loud
voice.
Let your action plan be
zeroing in on what is bothering the child. Find the
means to get out of the problem, enlist the child's
help in this endeavor. And most important figure out
how to prevent similar situations in future and
implement the method. The process may take time but
then your children are worth it.
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