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"Have you cleaned your cupboard ?" Screamed
Linda at her 11 year old. "Where was the time Mom?" was the instant reply. This set Linda thinking "no time" and she rummaged the entire week's events mentally. Monday-tennis and art, Tuesday was computers, Wednesday was karate, Thursday-evening games at school, Friday-music and tennis, Saturday-value classes & studies. Homework, tests and concert
practice. "That was a lot packed in a week" gasped Linda. Was she doing the right thing by burdening the child with so many activities?
Was she trying to raise a super kid? When anxious parents hear about workshops wherein 2 year olds are being taught to read or infants are taught to
recognize flash cards, they jump to the conclusion that they themselves should be seeking similar training for their child, though there is little evidence of it having long term benefits. |
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We do live in a society that depends increasingly on intelligence and education. And parents do feel that it is their duty in these tough times to give their kids every cultural and educational advantage. But in the same way we cannot force too much stimulation. It may prove harmful because the impetus to excel comes not from the children but from parents who are driven by their own preoccupation with high achievement. When parents do succeed in pushing their child to excel in some field such as dance or music, the children may end up lopsided in development, perhaps cranky, reserved or selfish. They may also
harbor feelings that their parents value them only for their unusual talent. On the other hand if they don't excel in a given field, there is a feeling of "let down" within them. They end up with a permanent feeling of guilt and failure. Pressing children too hard turns them into obsessed adults unable to enjoy life. They neither get nor give pleasure in their various relationships. They may also develop a medical problem. Over scheduling and over controlling rob children of their inborn drive to learn
and in turn they cannot achieve healthy independence. Children are robbed of opportunities to develop their own interest and hobbies which are needed to develop into well rounded successful individuals. When
Demi complained to a child psychologist that her ten year old was becoming increasingly tense and cried easily, it was concluded after questioning, that
Demi had enrolled her for innumerable classes and besides all this, her school had high academic standards and they were expected to do a lot of homework.
"FATIGUE" was the doctor's analysis but all
Demi could say was "But all these activities are so important". All we can say is "It's your choice".
More than often, while going to school, conventional wisdom says we
should work on improving our weaknesses. But isn't it a terrible
waste of time, talent and opportunity. Why can't we work on our
natural strengths instead? What would happen if Chopin, Einstein or
Pavarotti did the same? These people devoted their life to
developing their natural strengths. And they have topped their
field. "Focusing on areas of strength" is the key word, not
enrolling them for various activities which is just a futile
exercise. Each one of us has a natural aptitude in something. This
is a special gift. Some are good at working with numbers, some at
drawing pictures, some maybe athletic and some may just have an
aesthetic sense. Chances are that we don't even recognize our
aptitudes. The truth is that we are all very different. Each one can
do some things better than the other. To discover natural talents,
one has to make a note of things that come easily to the child,
things that he can do effortlessly. Often the tasks that are easy
for us are those where we have a special aptitude. Next one has to
make a list of things your child does where time just seems to fly.
This is a good clue to activities where one has natural talents. And
the most crucial point is making a list of things that make your
child happy, activities that make him smile, tasks that he finds
interesting, fulfilling and stimulating. Once these three lists are
ready, the common ones would be your areas of natural aptitude and
talent and areas of great potential. Imagine letting your little one
develop and play something that makes him happy, where his time just
flies and where everything is just easy for him. Wow! Let's not get
caught up with the old advice of working only on weaknesses. No
matter how hard we try' it is unlikely one will ever be more than
average in areas where you do not have an aptitude. Always working
on one's weaknesses undermines one's self esteem since the focus
will always be on deficiencies. On the other hand working to develop
one's natural talents is self-rewarding and motivating, allowing one
to continually realize higher and higher levels of ability,
achievement and success. So let's not raise super kids but happy
kids! |
