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Most of us are wonderful parents…before we have children. We are experts on why everyone else has problems with their kids till we have our own. As parents of 'real' children the situation changes drastically and we find ourselves saying and doing those very things that we told other parents not to. Parents are the first teachers that a child has and just like the teachers, their role is not limited to passing on facts and information. Children need to be approached in a caring manner if we want them to be caring people when they grow up.
All this no doubt sounds very theoretical, and perhaps, looking at a few practical situations may help us understand and solve a 'difficult' situation with a child. There is a direct connection between how a child behaves and how he/she feels. When kids
feel right, they behave right. Learning to accept your child's feelings is the first step towards a tantrum-free environment. By not accepting a child's feelings, a parent gives out a message that tells the child that he is not capable of feeling. Hence, instead of denying his feeling, try and give a name to it. Here is a practical example:
Your child comes to you and says, "I am hungry." The following are the two most common answers that a parent may give. Either that, "How can you be, you just ate," or "Then eat something". Or consider this one, "I am bored!" The parent says, "How can you be? You have been watching your favorite cartoon" or "Go out and play."
With your first answer, you are not allowing your child to think for himself, and this leads to him insisting on his feeling hungry or being bored, and soon, you find yourself headlong into a tantrum. The second answer that you give is also an indirect non acceptance of his feelings by instantly providing a solution. If on the other hand, we accept the child's feeling and instead say, "You are still feeling hungry, even though you just ate," or "Oh! So you are bored, would you like to do something else?" or "What do you think you would like to do instead?" would make a big difference. The child feels you understand and accept, and then perhaps you stand a better chance to let him see reason that eating any more would ruin his appetite for dinner, as also have the two of you doing something more creative together.
The above is not information on how to bring up your child but is just an effort at helping cope up with parenting. Situations like the ones given above are the kind that we come across almost everyday, and it would help if you make a list of how you handled each and how it could have been handled. |
