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It’s real
Conflict is as much a part of a child’s life as it is for
adults. In a child’s life too, there are daily conflicts that bother
the child. Usually, it is centered around material possessions,
possessiveness or claim over a friend or relative, responsibilities,
and space and privacy. Conflict over possessions is a very common
occurrence. Sometimes children gang up together and tease a
sensitive child; and when there is no one to play with, one of the
tormentors may choose to be her or his best and woo the sensitive
child to play with him/her. Here again, the child experiences a
conflict of emotions. Exchanges of words and ideas may lead to
conflicts at home, in the school and in the neighborhood.
Children instinctively learn to handle
these situations much the same way as they learn other things. They
watch, observe and sponge. Ready for the squeeze out, when the
situation demands. Children keenly watch the adults around them,
their teachers, the parents and the scores of relatives and friends.
They also unwittingly sponge from peers, fantasy characters from
the television or movies or books and of course, their
siblings. While it is impossible for us as parents to play an
all-encompassing role, it is possible for us to help lay a good
grounding for the children to get their feet on, when they face such
situations.
Laying the bricks
Children frequently scream for attention in ways that they are
sure will fetch them results. Fighting with peers and siblings, for
instance, could be a child’s way of saying, “I want your attention,
please. The intention is not to hurt.” Before it becomes a
necessity, let’s invest at least twenty minutes of positive time
with the child each day religiously. The time slot is exclusively
the child’s. Believe me, it works; it reduces aggressive behavior.
Secondly, we could teach the child to
express her feelings and thus ask for attention in a positive
manner. We could also sensitize our children to the feelings and
needs of others.
We could be generous in praising the child,
when he or she has deserved it, and avoid replaying our anger
or displeasure at something not done to our satisfaction. When
disciplining we should avoid harsh punishments that are likely to
leave scars in the child, such as locking her up in the bathroom.
Lastly, listen to the child. Hear her out,
acknowledge her feelings, ask her what she’d like to do and then
help her work out with a solution. The child learns to think for
herself and gets the feeling that her feelings and thoughts are
respected too. |
