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Talk it out
and be available
The fear may be irrational or it may have a real base.
Irrational fears usually vanish with proper care and even in the
absence of proper care and handling nature takes care by improving
maturity with each advancing year of age.
Adolescents often just
outgrow their fears. But while it remains, it can be very bothersome
indeed. Both for the adolescent and his parents. How should one
handle such situations? These situations cannot be handled
effectively if treated as separate situations. The existence of a
close confidential relationship is very essential. How do you know
if someone is afraid of something? The person has to tell you. Now
nobody likes to admit something negative (fear is perceived as a
negative emotion) about themselves. If at all the confession comes
about, it can only be if an atmosphere of trust and confidence is
created. And once this is done most fears can be banished forever by
slowly changing one’s attitude towards it and by developing a
positive outlook.
Gentle encouragement and
frank talks can cover a lot of ground here. Some fears can probably
be traced back to an event that triggered off the fear. For example,
a person terrified of dogs may have at some time been chased or
bitten by one. Rational and balanced thought can erase this fear and
make the person less tense in the presence of dogs. Overprotection
like helping a child avoid situations he or she fears should be
avoided, as it only serves to concretize the fear. Overreaction too
can reinforce a child’s feelings. Keeping the right perspective is
very important.
Examination fear
The main affliction among adolescents is a fear of examination
and results. Past failures or experiences of failure by friends and
the agony they went through may cause an adolescent to be overly
anxious about his or her exams or results. This may adversely affect
performance. Exam time is anyway a stressful period; when fear is
added to stress, it is not possible for a person to perform to his
full potential. An open and frank relationship with adults, wherein
such fears can be voiced can help an adolescent tide over the
stressful periods.
The home atmosphere –
a major cause
The atmosphere that children grow up
in is also very important. When they see adults around them afraid
of certain things, the fears tend to rub off on the children. Adults
voicing fears about going out in the dark, robberies, ghosts, etc.
are likely to raise children with the same fears. No one is
perfect. Even adults harbor many fears. However try not to exhibit
it in front of children. This can be channeled in a positive way
too. Adolescents who see their peers coping with fear and finally
overcoming them will be motivated to do the same.
When fear turns into
a phobia
In extreme cases, fear may turn into
an obsessive feeling clouding reason and positive thinking. It may
become a phobia. Adults handling such children should be able to
acknowledge that they can no longer handle the situation and they
should go in for professional help. The social stigma attached to
psychiatric help should not be a deterrent.
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