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Intelligent
Quotient ( I.Q. ) alone doesn't help. IQ usually predicts how one
performs on paper. This performance has standards set by someone else. A
set groove made by certain people of standing who thought it to be the
most ideal rating. Whereas Emotional Quotient ( E.Q. ) helps people set
their own standards. These people know the difference between what's
important to them as well as to others. They also know what is just a
temporary fancy and what is important for survival. They also condition
themselves to all sorts of situations and setbacks. In other words, a
sense of proportion prevails in them that even the brainiest cannot
handle.
Let's
take the example of Helena. You ask anyone at her workplace and a
spontaneous reply will be that she is extremely meticulous, hard working,
trendy, smart, aware of her surroundings and moreover highly savvy. Yet
she is never invited for outings planned by her colleagues. She keeps
hearing of them but doesn’t seem to get invited. Why? She is not on the
guest list of many because she is an angry woman. There could be thousands
of reasons for her anger. It could be because she always harbored
feelings that her father was partial to her brother, maybe it is the boss
who is not giving her the push up the promotion ladder. It could be
anything. She is so busy getting angry that subconsciously other feelings
are being pushed away. She sedates herself to her own feelings and blames
others for it. Neither is she aware of her own feelings, nor is she aware
of the feelings of the people around her. This is what leads to everyone
secluding her. Helena keeps thinking of her feelings all the time and
broods about them, which, in turn results in her shifting her internal
hurt into rage.
A
high IQ doesn't help. A higher E.Q would give her the ability to stay
connected to herself even as she takes control of herself. Then she would
be able to hear of unpleasant things without getting defensive and to feel
hurt without expressing it as hostility. If she achieved this she would be
a more desirable person.
These
examples are just examples of emotionally weak individuals. Various
reasons contribute to this situation. But it is definitely proved that
emotions matter. The ability to feel is as important as the ability to
think. It is the most powerful resource we possess. Emotions are lifelines
that create self-awareness and deeply connect us to ourselves, to others,
to everything. They are informers keeping us in touch about things of
utmost importance to us i.e. the people, what they value, their activities
and their needs. Through emotional awareness we can preserve our families,
build loving and lasting relationships and achieve success at work.
Psychologists
dealing with EQ often ask these questions. Are you happy with the way
your life is going? Have you achieved your targets? Are you content with
the friends you have and the quality of relationships you have with them?
Is your marriage fully satisfying? Do
you feel at ease most of the times or no? If many of these questions have
no as an answer, they feel one is normal. They are all average people
trained somewhere or the other to value their intellect and devalue their
emotions, in short not emotional. The price we have to pay in ignoring EQ
is far too expensive. It leads to unhealthy and unsatisfying lives. Our
IQ may help us understand and deal with the world on one level but we
need our emotions to understand and deal with others and ourselves.
Without an awareness of emotions and the ability to recognize and value
our feelings and act honestly according to those emotions, we cannot get
along with other people and go ahead in this world regardless of how smart
we are. Decisions also cannot be made promptly. Moreover the person is out
of touch with oneself. We as children have been taught not to trust our
emotions, we have been told that emotions distort the information our
intellect supplies. The term "emotional" itself
signifies
weak or even childish. Our ability to memorize, solve problems and do
calculations are measured on tests, these are decorated on report cards.
Sadly, they are the deciding factors to our ultimate career paths. When we
do not perform well on these standardized tests, we feel the impact and
the goal becomes difficult to attain. We are always told to behave in a
certain manner, cry in certain situations only, laugh only when it is
needed, show your guts only in a certain manner. Why these set rules? We
are told to value the head and devalue the heart. Spontaneously we value
the heart and feel wrong for doing so, but we are not. People with high
IQ can
analyze, talk brilliantly, perform excellently on I.Q tests and probably
even forecast future trends. But because of their low EQ, they
are unable to make decisions, interact successfully with other people and
act appropriately. He cannot reason and therefore success is far fetched.
A
person with high EQ is endowed with compassion, empathy, adaptability and
self control. EQ enables us to make good choices about eating, marrying,
job to be taken and how to balance between our needs and others. Smart are
the people who depend upon themselves for success, they go a long way. But
smarter still are the people who network with others to climb up every
ladder--social, professional, domestic or even a relationship building
ladder. People who want to develop a high EQ should firstly have the
ability to recognize moods and emotions and also their effects on
situations. In layman’s term "to put oneself into the other
person's shoe and imagine the situation". Secondly, one has to
control impulses before passing any judgment i.e." to think before
acting". One also has to have zeal to work for something beyond
personal gains, that is, wanting to go beyond monetary gain or upgradation
in status. One has to pursue goals with energy and persistence. The
ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people is also a major
criterion and lastly one has to learn to manage relationships and have the
ability to find a common ground to build a rapport.
All
this leads to a high EQ that can take go a long way in making life a
success.
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